January 10, 2023

Singleness and Sex

So, uh, we started our sex series this past Sunday. “Rated M," a conversation about God, sex, and sexuality. And we talked about how sex is a good thing, and it’s a big part of God’s plans for marriage. And I’m not married. So, what do I do now? Maybe you found yourself asking the same question.

It can be hard to listen to a message where something is both described as “a great thing” and “not for you” or at least “not for now.”  Because of my love for Jesus, I want to honor Him with my body, and right now, that means not having sex. Here are two things that I’ve chosen to focus on in light of Sunday’s talk. (If you missed it, you can check it out here.

1)    Surrender your sex life to God.
2)    Get better at singleness and marriage.

Surrender your sex life to God? So, if I’m having sex, I should stop? Honestly, yes. And that’s hard to write because I know that’s not popular or considered normal – I do believe that it’s the best way to live though. Jesus loves us and isn’t trying to rip us off. His heart is to protect us and protect others from the pain and consequences that can come without the care that a marriage covenant is intended to bring. Maybe that doesn’t apply to you because your sex life is non-existent? How do we surrender something that doesn’t exist? Surrender is a great posture for our hearts to take before God. He wants us to follow Him, completely. Do we mess up? Sure. He still wants all of us, and that includes our sex life. We’re not just talking about whether or not someone’s having sex – surrendering your sex life means surrendering your attitude, past baggage, future expectations, and what you do with your body. It’s hard. A lot of us have baggage here – I do. A lot of us have future expectations or at least hopes. Surrendering our sex lives is more than just “not having sex even if you want to." It’s choosing to honor God with our bodies, thoughts, and hearts, even when it’s difficult. 

Get better at being single? Yeah, I think so. We all have room to improve, and there are benefits to being single – enjoy them. When you’re single, you have autonomy over your finances – use that wisely. You likely have more free time. Enjoy hobbies you might have to give up in a marriage. You likely have more freedom to make plans at the drop of a hat – go for it! Even if you’re single, if you desire to be married, go ahead and get better at marriage too. Get better at marriage before you are married? Yes, absolutely. Some of the best skills in a healthy marriage can be developed through any relationship. We’re talking about practicing healthy and clear communication, pursuing humility, looking for ways to serve others, and allowing God to make you more like Him. All of these things can wildly improve a marriage, and even future sex, and these are things you can get better at right now. 

Whatever it takes,